Well so far life is still dreary. I've got court in a week. Joys. I hope all goes well this time. I can't afford any more delays or mistakes. It had better work in my favor this time around. Saw my son today. My only moments of joy these days. He's getting so big. We played in the yard and he threw dirt at me. He likes dirt for some reason but then again he is a boy. His father was being a good boy. His horrid wife wasn't there to bother me. I really hate her. I took lots of pictures. I don't have many of my son because I'm not around so much. Hopefully that will change soon. I've been having some issues with my love life again. My ex loves me but I dont love him. I love his est friend but he doesnt love me. It's chaotic. I keep telling my ex that I'm over him and I want to move on but he doesnt get it. I fell in love with his best friend whose crazy baby's mama wants to kill me. I love this guy and have put my life on the line for my love. Yet he ignores me and says he doesnt love me but only lusts after me but even then he wont make a move on me. I'd rather him only want me physically than not at all. He makes me feel so happy and alive. Only other time I feel happiness like this is when I see my baby. He knows I love him and he hates that he can't give me what I want but he doesnt try either. All I want is a chance to see if we're right for each other. Maybe he'll learn to love me maybe he never will but we cant know if we dont try. Goddess help me....Men are so confusing.